9 points to negotiate better!

“No” is not failure. We’ve been trained that “No” is the anti-“Yes” and therefore a word to avoid at all costs. But it really often just means “Wait” or “I’m not comfortable with that.” Learn how to hear it calmly. It is not the end of the negotiation, but the beginning.”

Chris Voss explains the art of negotiation in his book Never Split the difference wonderfully. I learnt quite a few things.

1. [Emotional empathy] Become the smartest person in any room — Start listening actively, it shows you are sincere and you care.

2. [Mirror] Repeat three critical words from someone’s sentence. “Mirroring is the art of insinuating similarity, which facilitates bonding.”

3. [Label their pain] The reasons to why someone won’t make a deal helps you discover the barriers.

4. [Master, NO] No is the start of a negotiation, not the end of it. Ask solution-based questions.

5. “That’s right” is better than “yes.” Strive for it. Reaching “that’s right” in a negotiation creates breakthroughs.

6. Ask calibrated questions that start with “How” or “What.” Asking the other party for help, these questions will inspire your counterpart to speak at length, revealing important information.

7. [7–38–55] rule is a powerful assessment tool. That is, only 7 per cent of a message is based on the words while 38 per cent comes from the tone of voice and 55 per cent from the speaker’s body language and face.

8. Digging into worldviews implies moving beyond the negotiating table and into the life, emotional and otherwise, of your counterpart. That’s where Black Swans(the unknowns) live.

9. Let what you know — your known knowns — guide you but not blind you. Every case is new, so remain flexible and adaptable.